Over the past two weeks I have gone through an emotional roller coaster. I learned a lot about some of my friends that I was completely in the dark about, and learned a lot about myself in the process. With the recent visit of my friend Steve, I was reminded of how much my life has changed in the last two years, and how it has affected me and the people I surround myself with. A lot of it is related to positive personal growth, but I was surprised to find all of the negative under the surface.
I feel that I have lost touch with the internal happiness I used to carry around with me everywhere I go. I used to be the inspired by the slightest things. I’d wake up every morning wide eyed and excited for what was to come. But over the past two years, I feel that I’ve become disconnected. I’ve stopped paying attention to anything but my daily tasks and to do’s, and haven’t put any thought into what I’m doing or what makes me happy. I’ve started judging people and placing their negative qualities before the positive ones. I’ve become lazy and more stubborn, and have closed myself off to a lot of people. I’ve stopped putting in an effort to make friends, and have lost a few along the way.
I’ve wrapped myself in this invisible security blanket and have not wanted to get rid of it. I have a fear of leaving the area of the city that I live in, and am afraid of change. Moving last year was one of the hardest decisions that I had to make, and it took me a long time to build up the courage to make it. Even though I was living in a basement suite that wasn’t in any condition that was enjoyable, I was stuck. After moving to my new house (10 blocks away), I felt completely overwhelmed by the change in my daily activities, and found it hard not to be depressed. Although it was still in the area, the small daily changes caused me a lot of unexpected anxiety. It took me a long time to get used to where I’m living now, but somehow I’m still avoiding change everywhere I go. Change is good! Why have I been hiding?
Lastly, I’ve realized that I’m not passionate about a particular thing anymore. I used to be into makeup artistry and went to school for it, but I’ve barely used what I’ve learned. I don’t have any interest in pursuing anything with it and have a ton of debt as a result. But when I was in school I loved it. I used to look for inspiration in everything, and now I feel that I put no effort into it. I work day to day, run around the city doing things to cross of my to do list, come home, watch movies and hang out. I don’t have anything that I can pour myself into.
Verdict of all of this rambling: I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to become more like the person I was and start living! And I don’t mean going out to bars every weekend, I mean truly getting out there. Making an effort to put a spring in my step when challenges arise, and welcoming them. I’m going to learn to enjoy what we have around us. I’m going to start focusing on photography and hope to take a course this year. I’ve been telling myself so much that I miss school, so I think that this will be a good start. And I’m going to move, and be open to finding somewhere in a new area.
I’m learning to accept change, and feel that this year will be full of it.
For some of you that have been following for most of my blogging career, you’ve probably heard of the heartache I had to endure when one of my closest friends had to move away. Steve lived with me for a little shorter than a year, and became one of the closest friends I’ve ever had. Abruptly, in May 2008, he was sent back to Boston where he was originally from and it left me shattered and feeling completely disconnected. I was forced to deal with my partner in crime being (unofficially) deported, having to deal with all of his belongings and having to find someone to fill his spot in our small basement suite.
Over the last two years we have managed to maintain as much of a relationship as our lives have let us. We were using email, skype and phone as much as we could, but it just wasn’t the same. We tried to keep our friendship from dwindling, but with both of our schedules (and the fact that one party isn’t so great on the phone) it was almost impossible to keep up. But I have always been the type of person that doesn’t give up on long distance friendships, and balance it as much as I could.
Recently I’ve been trying to get a hold of him without success. He’s been too busy with work, and wasn’t responding to the emails I had been sending him. I started to get so anxious about his schedule, that I was having dreams about him avoiding me. I’d send him an email right after a nightmare hoping for some sort of reassurance, but I wouldn’t hear anything back.
Then, on Saturday afternoon I got an email from him saying that he would be free that night, and would be online to chat with me at 7pm. Despite me having plans, I decided that I was going to prioritize him because I knew how busy he was, and I didn’t want to waste any opportunity. Then, around 630pm I got a phone call from him:
S: Amber! I just wanted to call you because I got you the best present ever and I’m at a 24 hour FedEx place right now. I want to send it to you right now before it ends up on my bedroom floor for a month and a half. A: Squee! Really? I can’t wait! What is it? No, I don’t want to know. Yay! S: What’s your address so I can send it right now? A: (insert personal information here) Aww you’re way too sweet! I can’t wait to get it! S: Okay, I’m just going to drop this off and then I’ll head home to chat with you. Are you around? A: Of course. What else would I be doing other than waiting for you? Talk to you in a bit!
10 minutes go by, with me trying to pass time while reading a few blogs at my kitchen table. I’m anxiously waiting for Steve to sign in so we can talk when, out of the corner of my eye, I see a figure move past my windows, and the motion light goes off. I glance over to the window, and see the light shining on his face. For a second I didn’t even believe my eyes, and hesitated. It wasn’t until he knocked on the locked door to get in that my mind shifted back into reality. I let him in and immediately burst into hysterical tears of joy. I couldn’t believe that he showed up! He didn’t tell anyone from home that he was coming in fear of ruining the surprise, and didn’t tell anyone in Vancouver.
I immediately started asking him what he was doing here. Sobbing and trying to get words out while hugging him so tightly, I managed to get out my questions. “What? What are you doing here? How long are you here for? What? Where are you staying? I can’t believe you’re hereeee!” His answers were all I wanted to hear. He told me he’s here for 10 days, and that he wasn’t sure where he was staying (meaning, my house of course!). He told me that he had deliberately avoided responding to my emails for the past week because he wanted me to be even more surprised when he showed up.
For the past few days our visit has been filled with breakfasts at Bons, movie nights and slight drunken (mis)adventures. I am so grateful that I have such amazing friends, and am still in awe that he’s even here. I trust that our visit will remain to be exciting until he leaves on Monday.
Hey guys! So I’m super excited because I have been taking lots and lots of photos lately, and I finally got 4 rolls of film developed! Here are my favourites! I must admit, the ones of me in them, I didn’t take. Props go to Taylor and Shayna for those ones!
If you like what you see, visit my newly upgraded Flickr page for more! Lemme know what you guys think of these!
This weekend marked the best day I’ve had this year to date. The rain subsided on Saturday, and I was up and ready to start my day to enjoy it! In the morning I made my way to volunteer for a few hours at the Canadian Network for International Surgery. A friend of mine had recently passed on the message that they were in need of someone to come in to help with a sewing project, and I was excited to be able to help out! After sewing stomach pieces for 3 hours, I successfully helped them make their deadline, and had a few good laughs along the way.
As some of you know, I’ve been putting money towards ‘Awmber’s DSLR-of-Awesome Fund’ for the last month or so. But I’m afraid that if I get one, I won’t know how to use it. So I’ve been practicing with my film SLRs as much as possible. After volunteering, I meandered side streets with Taylor, taking photos of old buildings and pretty flowers (I know. It’s winter, and Vancouver has flowers right now). It has been raining for most of the past couple weeks, that there were so many happy campers roaming the city that day.
While walking, Taylor and I started daydreaming about soon living together, and talking about travel. Both of us have wanted to travel, but none really have. Then I mentioned that I wanted to move to a new city. It’s so interesting how so many of my friends are not from Vancouver. Actually, now that I think of it, most people I have met are transplants from different cities, all from a far distance. It has always seemed so exciting thinking that you would have a fresh start in a new city where ‘no one knows your name’, and you have to fly back to see your family for holidays. Getting to know a new city is like getting to you the person you might marry one day. There’s so much to learn! It seems like such a novelty to me, I guess. And I really want to experience it.
So amongst other things during our heart to heart, I decided that I need to get my act together. I need a serious plan as to where I see myself in 2 years, and I need attainable goals. I need to stop living so day to day and start thinking about my future. In the next 2 weeks, I will be making a Goal Board (I need an inspirational dreamy name for it rather than that, but can’t think of one) that will hang on my door so I can be visually reminded what I am working towards every day.
What I have to go on the board so far:
-Move to one of the following cities within the next 2 years time: Montreal, Toronto or Halifax
-Buy this camera, or another DSLR that I choose instead.
-Try to put $30 into my savings per week
I’m hoping that by seeing what I’m working towards on a daily basis, I will be thinking of them more, and will be more focused on them. Positive thinking helps, too!
How do you get motivated to start making/achieving goals?
After living on a strict ice cream and poutine diet for the past week, yesterday I had the biggest craving for some actual food. Not just any actual food, but a standard all American home cooked meal. So I decided that it was time to stop pretending like I’m a vegetarian, and start pretending that my mouth wasn’t hurting and just cook some steak already! The meal I had was so satisfying that I was literally in tears eating it (somewhat pain induced) and I had to share my family’s recipe for marinade.
Here’s what you’ll need:
3-4 small steaks (I wish I had a scale for that!)
1/4 light soy sauce
3 tbsp brown sugar
1 clove garlic, crushed
1/4 tsp black pepper
2 tbsp olive oil
1/2 lemon, squeezed
1 medium onion, thinly sliced
Prepare the rest of the items you’re having for dinner first. In my case, I made steamed veggies (green beans and corn) and rice. Then in a separate pan, put the meat, saucy goodness and onion together and heat on medium. Once your concoction is simmering, let the meat cook for about 2-3 minutes on each side. That’s it! And if you like your meat a little more well done, then just cook it longer! The steak I had was medium rare, the onions were caramelized, and it was so easy! As well, you don’t have to use this for just deer meat, you can use it for anything!
This week has been amazingly entertaining, yet boring at the same time. I’ve recently discovered that I’m developing a bit of an obsession over organizing my house, and I have started to purge things I don’t need. I love it when I get into the mindset that ‘less is more’ because it means that I get rid of stuff I don’t have room for, and haven’t used in a long time.
A lot of my friends have a hard time getting rid of their possessions, but I have a simple rule that helps me get through. I look at it, and say, ‘Have I used this in the last year of my life?’ If the answer is no, then I get rid of it! I figure that if I’ve had it through every season and occasion, I should use it. And if I haven’t, then what’s saying that I ever really will? By the time a year’s gone by, when you actually do need whatever you’re considering throwing out, you’ll probably forget it even existed.
I organized most of the things in my room, and cleaned out some old spices and things from our kitchen today, and it was the most satisfying thing when I took out the trash! My home is my sanctuary, and I am so happy that it’s getting to a point where I can say I’m actually happy with the way it looks. The next thing on my list is to get a cabinet of some kind so that I can organize the things I don’t really have room for anywhere else. Right now I have an open shelf with books, printer, sewing stuff, towels, craft supplies, etc and everything is EVERYWHERE! That is just too much variety for one little shelf.
I’ve been watching Craigslist like a hawk, and finally found something that I love, but I haven’t gotten a response to the email I sent them yet. I hope I can buy this, because it would be so useful and cute!
Here are some dreamy homes that I have been ogling over. One day, my house will look something like these:
This stay-cation has been one of the best I think I’ve ever had! Although my mouth has been in pain pretty much the whole time, I’ve actually gotten a lot of much needed down time. My step mom stayed with me the day of my surgery and helped me try to eat when I couldn’t feel my face, and was there to laugh at the silly side effects of the pain medications I was on. And the day after that, my dad came down to visit with me for the night. I also had quite a few other visitors over, and I must admit that I feel so thankful for all of the amazing people in my life. It seems sappy, but my sorry little self wouldn’t have made it far without you guys this week, and I am so glad that you guys were around!
Having so much time on my hands as been a little weird, though. I have been going bonkers because I have nothing to do! I mean, when every item in your Reader has been read, there’s not much else to do but explore! I found out about some great new blogs today, and just thought I’d share! Do you ever get hooked on a new blog that you end up at their 20th page of archives and realize that you’re sort of creatively stalking them? That’s how I feel about these 3 today.
Also, I thought I’d share a bit of the playlist I had going on today. I need more girly indie/happy music. I have been noticing that most of the artist I listen to are led by male singers, and want to expand! Any suggestions?
Yesterday through my weary state I ended up getting out of the house for a bit, and went to 2 local craft supply stores. Dressew is one of my all time favourite stores in Vancouver, and they have steins of yarn for $1.99 all year round! The only thing is that they don’t have a very nice selection this year. I want to knit with big, thick, soft, fluffy yarn! So I asked them if they had any recommendations for where I should go, and they referred me to Three Bags Full, which had a sale on! I got this lovely turquoisey 100% wool yesterday, and have so much of it! Say hello to the beginning of the prettiest, biggest, funnest cowl you’ll ever see!
ps. I got new glasses a couple of weeks ago! What do you think?
While at Dressew, I also picked up this lovely bunch of fabrics! I’m planning on making a cutesy fabric garland that I can hang in my room , or in the kitchen, or anywhere that would be visible for anyone at my house. Inspiration for this found at The Purl Bee. Maybe I’ll get to start on my garland tomorrow (yarn and flower in photo will not be part of the garland)! Oh how lovely that would be!
Anyway, I guess I should go. I’m sort of rambling, and am probably not making much sense. I just thought I’d share of inspiration with you all to try to get you motivated for a great week! I’ve decided I’m not going to be going to work tomorrow so that I can be all better for the rest of the week. That, and the fact that another short week is within my grasp is pretty fantastic!
I got 5 teeth pulled yesterday. 4 wisdom teeth, and one eye tooth that never grew in. I did go under anesthetic, thank god, and it was generally painless. However, I woke up with stitches all over my mouth. I have them in the back where my wisdoms were, and in front and behind my front teeth on the left side. Ouchies! I took quite a lot of time off from work to assure that I wouldn’t pass out from exhaustion, and I have really strong painkillers. The only problem is that I can’t eat very much, and really have no desire to because my any movement in my mouth hurts. But because of this, the anti inflammatory/antibiotic/pain med combination is really hard on my stomach.
But if you know me, then you should know that I try to make the best of things when I can. It was only until about an hour after we got home that we realized I had a video camera and that I needed to film myself trying to talk. It was so funny! So, I bring you my first ever videoblog! I assure you that I do not normally talk with a lisp, and generally look better. I hope you find this as hilarious as I do!
I’ve never been much of an organized person. I have tried calendars, day planners, journals, lists, etc. and nothing seems to work for me. When trying to keep a journal, I tend to obsess over the cover of it, rather than its contents. I’ll start a day planner and I will lose interest or go off track. Inevitably, within a month or two, most methods stop working entirely.
That being said, my disorganization catches up to me every once in a while, and I try again. Last week it really caught up to me. I felt as though my life is spinning out of control into a bottomless lake with tons and tons of sea monsters. I started feeling guilty for spending money, and every purchase I made was another reminder that I wasn’t saving. I felt guilty about spending money on things that I needed. Trying to calm my mind, I decided to start making lists of things to keep myself more organized. To keep track of the money I spend, and to ultimately keep track of my day to day tasks.
This was pretty much the worst idea of my life. I made lists that included everything I knew I had to do that day, breaking it down to brushing my teeth and making dinner. I started becoming more and more neurotic by the hour. I became incredibly anxious when I didn’t complete a chore on time or in order, and I needed to rewrite my lists immediately so I could get my life back on track. I felt as though I was constantly sitting at the edge of a chair, and my heart was always racing.
Since when was I so crazy? Last time I checked, I was the worst at planning. So the fact that I was trying to plan every point of every minute of every day was a disaster waiting to happen. And I realized that at the end of the week when I looked at my lists and had nothing written for the weekend. Obviously this planning was going off of the radar and needed to be turned down a few hundred notches.
Micromanaging life is never a great idea. But trying to maintain stability is. That doesn’t mean that you have to become a crazy person during the process. After my recent escapade, I decided to start pursuing organization in the things that I love, rather than the things that make me stress. With a lot of down time, I got to start on a few projects that I have been wanting to get into. I started learning a lot about photography from a friend’s school handouts and online at Digital Photography School (this website is amazing, people). I’ve been ogling over this camera, and have been constantly daydreaming. I posted all of my latest SLR photos onto my Flickr, and had a great photo shoot that included multiple houses’ Christmas lights. I worked on a few craft projects, and finally finished my brooches! I went through my finished projects bag, and decided that this year, making an Etsy account will happen.
Maybe last week really was just me teaching myself a lesson. Everyone needs a least a bit of organization, but only some people need that much. And if they do, it probably works well for them. I’ve started keeping a log of the money I spend each day (without guilt) so that I can tally it up at the end of the month to create an up to date budget. I’ve noticed that the more things I write on the list, the more I’m turned off of spending. I’ve also decided on a simple saving plan for myself. I’m going to get a day planner that is well organized for me, and start making weekly lists (in no particular order) so that I won’t turn into such a nutcase. So far, these methods have been working well for me. However, it is only the 4th day in. Wish me luck!
I was never the privileged type to own any sort of gaming console when I was young. While all of my friends were raving about the newest Super Nintendo, Sega and Playstation games, I felt like I had missed the boat somewhere. When I was 4-7 years old, one of our neighbors had a Sega Genesis. They were older and had a grandson that visited often, but it was me who visited more to play Sonic The Hedgehog. Then, when I was 7, my family moved to Pemberton. Every time I would ask my parents if we could buy a gaming system they quickly responded with, “Go outside, or read a book.”
Alas, 13 years later, I made the big decision after receiving some unexpected Christmas money, that I was going to fulfill my dream of playing Super Mario Allstars until the cows came home. I plunged into the world of eBay and Craigslist and decided to make my purchase off of a man locally. One SNES, cables, 4 controllers, Mario Allstars and Tetris/Dr.Mario.
I rode the skytrain in excitement and let him half an hour from home for a quick exchange. As soon as I made it back, I went straight for the television to play. To my dismay, when I plugged it in, all I got was a black screen with a few white lines and a slight buzzing sound. NO GAME! I quickly called the seller and informed him of my problem. He informed me that he had tested it just before coming to meet me, and that he may have given me the wrong cord.
Fast forward to the next day. I ask the guy to meet me halfway because I don’t want to go all the way to his area again. We meet, and swap cords. I ask him what happens if it still doesn’t work, and he hesitantly murmurs, ‘Well, I guess if this doesn’t work, I’ll take it back.’ I rush home to find that I still have the same problem, and the next day I test it on a friend’s TV and get no other result.
After testing all possible scenarios that I can think of, I end up texting the seller asking when we can arrange to meet to do the return. The following correspondence ensued:
Me: Hey Jared can I return the SNES to you? It doesn’t work on my tv.
Seller: sorry i don’t want it back it does work
Me: So you’re saying that you’re going to fuck me out of $80 because you sold me something that ‘does’ work?!’
Seller: I tested it before selling it so i know it does work you’re just not hooking it up right. i’ve already gone out of my way for you.
It suddenly became a realization that I wasn’t going to get my money back, and that I had something that I wasn’t going to be able to sell again. After discussing it with my coworkers that day, I emailed him about all of the things that I had tried in order to get it to work, and informed him that it was only fair that I should get my money back for the items.
Am I wrong in assuming that people have morals? This guy has not responded to my email at all, and refuses to be in contact with me at all. If the system does work like he says, there should be no reason why he won’t take it back. He can easily resell it, whereas I cannot. I have a conscience, people!
Anyway, this has yet to be resolved. I have threatened him with a police report, and have quite a lot of his information to get somewhere with it. Worst case scenario, I go to a friend of mine that repairs SNES’s and he will take a look at it. In the meantime, I decided to buy a USB controller so that I can play oldschool games online instead.
I’ve had mixed opinions about this week, but I have concluded that I am going to focus on the positively fun rather than the potential-I-hate-my-life negative ones. Kyla arrived in Vancouver on Thursday and I could not wait to see her. I was patient through work and distracted myself for 2 hours afterwards while she was meeting up with another friend of hers. Finally, the moment arrived and I met her (and briefly Hillary) and started wondering the city. We spent all of 5 minutes exchanging excited hellos when she started feeling sick. Soon thereafter, it became apparent that she was not feeling well at all and we were on a mission for medicine and food. We spent the night catching up, and trying to find warmth within restaurants and a friend’s house.
The next day Kyla said she still wasn’t feeling well and had decided to move her flight up earlier. Being halfway through the most unpleasant work day of my life, that news was devastating. I couldn’t believe that our would be cut down by more than a full day. That being said, I calmed down quickly after having a chat with Taylor, and decided that I was going to ignore the fact that she was leaving, and be thankful that she had even come in the first place.
We met outside our house, dragged her bag that was twice the size of her inside, and took off our coats. Within 5 seconds of glancing at me, Kyla burst out laughing at the fact that we had the exact same outfit on. It’s hilarious how your similarities are so obvious sometimes. We went out for Indian food, came home, watched Dr. Horrible and laughed. Hard. I don’t remember the last time someone made me laugh like Kyla.
The next day was filled with Cafe Deux Soleils breakfast and a Christmas gift exchange. I must say, that if nobody gets me anything else for Christmas, I’d be satisfied with this stuff as it is. She gave me her old Pentax K1000, 6 rolls of film, Style Statement, and some magnificent green skeins of wool yarn. Jackpot!
After breakfast and presents we made made our way to the airport on the skytrain and said our farewells a bit more hastily than we wished for, but genuine. The time we spent together was short, and we didn’t get to do a lot of what we had in mind, but it was nice not to rush things and go with the flow. Although it was sad to see her gone so fast, I can’t believe how natural it felt spending time with her! I am so glad that she came to Vancouver, and promise to head to Winnipeg next year, for serious.
The past week has been incredibly busy and I have been trying my darnedest to be has happy as a clam. Regrettably, I’ve been in a horrible mood at work the past few days, which doesn’t seem to help much in the general scheme of things. I have been asked to do a few tasks that are not usually mine to complete, and it has put my work schedule behind by almost two days. It’s hard to cope with when your job already has a tendency to be quite stressful before all of the extra things that are thrown at you.
1. I bought boots that look like this! They are fantastic! Comfy, cute and keep my feet dry! What more can a girl ask for?
2.I have been trying to find more that inspires me, and came across this lovely project called Tattooday:
His mission: “Every day I’m gonna draw/write a saying or lyric or phrase on my arm. Document it here. They will be like temporary tattoos. Hopefully the sayings will stick in my mind if I look at them all day. Maybe the meaning of the words will also sink into my body, along with the ink.”
3. I have started my home made Christmas present extravaganza and have decided that everybody is going to get the same thing this year. Well, basically. I am halfway done and am very excited to see the results!
4. I bought a yoga mat and a cheap instruction video that gives you 3 different work outs. One for the morning to wake you up, one before bedtime to calm you down (both are 1/2 hour sessions), and one major workout that they recommend doing a few times per week (1 hour). Although I have only done one 1/2 hour session, I trust that next week I will have the time to put into building a new routine.
5. I have managed to get up between 6:00 and 6:20am for the past week and it has been really refreshing. I have found that I have more time to wake up in the mornings and actually sit and enjoy breakfast over email updates or what’s in my Reader. I have time to sleepily sit on my bed mulling over what to wear and still have time for a nice hot cup of tea. This is my favourite part of my day, and am happy to report that this will be in effect from now on. Now I just have to make it a point to try to accomplish a similar goal on the weekends. Maybe set it in between 8:30 and 9:30am so I don’t end up sleeping my entire morning away.
6. I recently read Calaeno’s new post about creating an atmosphere in her home that works well with her lifestyle and feel the same way. I cannot function properly when I am unable to feel comfortable in my own home. I started decorating my room to my liking and love spending time there. Also, my roommate and I cleaned the house yesterday and it feels amazing to be tidy! This week I should be finishing curtains I’ve been making for the living room closet that doesn’t have doors on it with this fabric:
8. I got my hair cut for the first time in 8 months, and it feels great! My hair feels really healthy, but I think the stylist cut too much. I mean, what part of “I’m growing my hair out,” don’t they understand? But I did decide on a very out there hairstyle that I’m going to go for after Christmas. Take a gander and tell me what you think (keep in mind her hair’s straight and mine is super curly).
7. All I’ve been telling myself when I get angry or frustrated is: “Thursday. Everything will be fine on Thursday.” Countdown till KylaRoma is at my doorstep = 2 sleeps!
There are few people in this world that I am still friends with from when I was in high school. Most of the friends I had throughout my teens either moved out of the province, or my life in some way or another. There is an exception to the rule, however, and it has to do with a lovely lady named Kyla. We have only ever physically met twice, but each time has been incredibly fantastic.
Kyla and I first met when she came to British Columbia for the first time by herself. She was visiting a friend of her mother’s, and happened to be in the same place as I one night at the local Youth Centre. There was some event, and we were both disinterested teens looking to make conversation. We instantly clicked and were inseparable until the time she left my small hometown. We exchanged email addresses, and not long after that, phone numbers. It’s safe to say that she has been my long distance friend for more than 5 years, and she is the first person I call for anything that comes up. She is one of my closest friends, and I am so happy to have met her.
I remember speaking to her when I lived in Pemberton at my parents house when I was 17. And when I abruptly moved out a year later, she was there to talk me through it and taught me how to live on my own. She was there through my phone calls at 11:30pm when I was in school and experiencing the most gruelling budget problems I’ve ever live through, and was the first person I called when I found out that my house got broken into (both times). She sat patiently while I gulped and gasped and sobbed and was always supportive of every occurrence, and every decision I’ve made.
It wasn’t all tough, either. I have some tremendously happy memories of her calling me each time the semester was over, or that time she was freaking out about the fact that Mister had brought his mother’s engagement ring home for safe-keeping. An hour after that one I got another call from her where she shouted ‘we just got engaged! Holy crap Amber, I’m going to get married!‘ in my ear. I heard about the wedding arrangements, the new house and the new puppies!
She came to Vancouver to visit me on a whim in April of 2008 and it was phenomenal. After picking her up at the airport, all we could do was stare at each other in utter excitement. I swear for the first day all we could say was ‘Oh my freaking god. You’re actually here! I can’t believe it! You’re real!’ She was only here for 3 days, but we made it feel like so much longer. We went for food at my favourite hole in the wall breakfast place and went perusing vintage stores down Main St. I introduced her to the faces she had heard so much about, went to English Bay and even had time for a mid afternoon nap and movies!
After a year and a half of not seeing each other, Kyla randomly decided that she had waited long enough. 2 weeks ago, I got a random email from her saying, ‘essentially, I miss you like crazy. It’s stupid. I’m considering coming out to Vancouver from Dec 10 – 13th…’ I pretty much freaked out at her in all caps after that telling her that it was a complete must and that she had to come visit, and the next morning I got a text message saying that she had just bought her tickets! It all happened so suddenly that it didn’t even seem real!
We have been talking about what we’d like to do when she’s here, and I can say that I haven’t been this excited since the last time she came to visit. I cannot believe that she’s going to be here in 8 days! I don’t even care about what trouble we get into when she arrives. As long as we’re together, everything will be fantastic.
Kyla and I have been through more through phone and email than a caveman trying to live through the ice age. She is the one person that know who I was, and what I have become over the years and I am so thankful for it. I am so happy that she is coming to Vancouver visit, and cannot wait to see her!
I’ve always been known as the person in my group of friends that is the most easy going and relaxed. I am great about sticking with plans, am hardly ever late, have a lot of common sense when it comes to giving others advice, and am knowing for having a great sense of joy around me. However, lately I’ve been feeling myself slipping. Every thing that has been around me has made me completely irritated and frustrated.
I guess it started a month or two ago, as soon as it started getting colder out. I felt my inner homebody coming out, and began to shove people further away like they were the swine flu or something. I started spending way too much time on the computer, and not enough time doing anything else. I was taking my frustrations from work home with me, and could feel my temper getting worse and worse.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. One of my friends told me that I’m the most intolerant person they know. At first I denied it, and was mostly offended by the comment. Sure I can be sarcastic, but that doesn’t have to mean that I’m intolerant , right? The answer came to me the other day while having a great talk with one of my dearest friends, and it dawned on me that this is what I have been becoming. I was so blind to my negativity because it was taking over my friendships, and ultimately, my life.
After this realization, I started analyzing it a bit further. What is the root of this problem, and why can’t I shake this feeling? I started noticing that I haven’t been giving a lot of time to myself for myself. I stopped eating as healthily as I was. I stopped exercising almost completely. I haven’t even started Christmas presents. I’ve been really broke lately due to the time I took off when I had the flu, plus that other time when I was too hung over to look at my screen and had to go home after an hour of being there.
But, I have good news! I’ve decided not to feel like the Grinch anymore, and have been trying to think of small goals I can set for myself to make me generally happier. Obviously, whenever I get stressed out, lists are the best way to get my feet back on the ground.
-Buy some boots like these, or these. I have never owned nice leather boots, and am determined to get some before my feet become waterlogged for life from this Vancouver rain. I have absolutely no waterproof shoes, and am quite sure this is directly linked to my happiness.
-Get a yoga mat and find some free instruction videos online. Since I went to Pemberton to visit my family, I haven’t gone to yoga once. Just remembering the feeling I got after a good class made me feel so happy.
-Start getting up at the first alarm, rather than the fourth. If I got up at 6am rather than the usual 645am, I would have time for a morning yoga routine, a warm breakfast, tea at home rather than buying it at work, a half hour google reader session…. think of the possibilities!
-Making something for myself every time I make something for someone else. I feel that this one is important. I tend to get so motivated in making things for everyone else around Christmas, that I start getting jealous of all of the cool things I make for other people. I will have one of each thing I make from now on. So there.
-Try one new recipe a week, and start planning meals more regularly. No more Kraft Dinner when you’re too lazy to actually cook, Awmb! Anything is better than that!
-Buy a SuperNintendo. I don’t have to justify this one.
I figure I should stop there, before I start reformatting my entire existence or getting obsessive compulsive or something. I will try to stick to my goals and that will be that. Today was the first day, and I can successfully say that I deflected everyone’s bad moods and most definitely turned them into ‘your mom’ jokes. I also woke up at 630am rather than 645am, and made a healthy dinner when I got home that included not one, but two veggie dishes!
What makes you happy in the winter? Do you have any tricks to stay grounded?
This weekend was filled with excitement! I can’t believe that I’m still alive and feeling productive this week!
Friday night my father came down to Vancouver to visit and he decided he wanted to go to an NHL hockey game (my first ever) and our team actually won! I also got lost in the stadium and missed half of 2nd period, but what are you going to do? Saturday morning we got up early and converted my room to this:
After painting my room we made our way to visit my auntie and uncle where we hung out for a few hours catching up. We were surprised by my aunt when she pulled out a roast and asked if we minded eating late! I must say that we had the best dinner ever that night. It was like Christmas all on its own. While we were there we also looked at some old photos of the family where I found this little monster:
I was 4 years old in this photo, eating a peach from my grandmother’s tree in Peachland. It’s a real place! I’m not making it up, I swear!
Sunday was also filled with excitement. We went over to my other uncle’s house to visit for a while where he pulled out all of my grandfather’s old home movies he taped in the early ’90s. He has been meaning to transfer them to digital, but doesn’t have the experience to do it, so they have been sitting around for a few years. Cue me putting my hand in the air and waving it around wildly! I volunteered to transfer my grandpa’s 20 (or so) tapes into digital, and edit a DVD for the family. I started going through some of them Sunday night, and there are some real gems in there already! Including a lot of this guy (my very Russian grandfather):
If anyone has any experience in transferring Handycam videos to digital or editing, please let me know because I don’t!
I feel like I say this every post, but how was your weekend?
TGIF everybody! I can’t believe that I can actually say that acronym with a straight face. But I’ve decided that this is not going to be negative.There are so many things that were great this week that I would love to share with you.
-I realized that September 21st was the day I quit smoking! I can’t say that I haven’t cheated every time I’ve had a few drinks, but I have faith that I will keep up the habit of not having that habit. It will be two months tomorrow!
-I found Bleubird Vintage today, and this woman is fantastic! I swear I cannot stop browsing her archives because all of the images are just so gosh darn beautiful!
-I’m having a hard time organizing my project of sending care packages. It’s really just the boxes that I have to gather. But it will happen soon. I’m going to try my hardest!
-I have officially dry walled my bedroom, but I don’t think my dad, who’s a professional painter, is going to be too impressed by the rest of it. The people before me were really horrible at fixing holes. They left big a splotchy mess. Probably sanding tomorrow!
-I got a very very very fantastic surprise email from the lovely Kyla Roma, but I am not going to spoil the surprise until it’s official. I will be having a great little phone date with her tonight, though, and I cannot wait because I miss her dearly.
-My dad is coming to Vancouver to visit me this weekend and we are going to paint! Finally!
-I want to build a fort like this as soon as possible:
Lately I have been prioritizing reading other people’s blogs rather than writing in my own. This whole NaNoWriMo thing is killing me. I have at least 40 blogs that I am subscribed to, which half of them are committed to writing 50,000 words in one month. Times that amount by 20, and you get 1,000,000 words that I have to read in a month. And to think that I was already freaking out about that little bold number in the unread column of my reader before this whole thing started.
Regardless of how many unread items my friends have pending in my reader, I have been realizing that I have been unmotivated to write recently. Maybe not unmotivated, just busy. I have been trying to get my life organized so that I can have less things on my To Do list, and I have been doing pretty well at crossing at least one thing off per night. Tonight was calling my parents to see how their hunting trip went. I was calling them to make sure they didn’t shoot each other in the bush, and I have verified that they are still alive. I apologize in advance to all of the vegetarian/vegan readers Kyla and Jessie for the next few sentences. My parents went hunting twice this year and got 1 moose and 2 deer. They will be eating free range meat that they killed themselves. I find that very admirable, but am way too much of a priss to do it myself.
My conversation with my parents also included planning painting my room!!! Yes, that’s right. The moment you’ve been waiting for for months has come. I was dreaming about doing this in the summer (literally) and have finally gotten motivated to do it! My father is a painter by profession, and I have been bugging him for a couple of months to help me paint. Safe to say, this weekend we will be shoving everything into my closet, living room and middle of my bedroom and brightening the place up a bit! This photo doesn’t give it that much credit, but here you have it! The to be colour of Awmb’s room after this weekend. I will most definitely be posting photos once it has been completed.
The weekend that just passed was some kind of wonderful, I tell you. Friday night was filled with dancing at my new favourite-disgustingly cheap-filled with hipsters bar. We ended up missing every bus that passed us and walking home at 3am, not hesitating for one second to stop for pizza. Saturday was spent sleeping in until 130pm and then going to the good ol’ Value Village. I have been putting off going there for about 2 months because of the insane Halloween rush they get with people looking for cheap costume stuff in a crazed frenzy, and forgot how much I truly missed it. After Value Village, Taylor and I hit the couch and had a movie night with lots of burnt popcorn and Sour Patch Kids candy.
I truly do love the fact that I live on one of the hippest streets of the city. Sunday I got up early with a friend and went to our favourite breakfast place on Commercial Drive. I got the same thing I get every time, and we had fun hanging out and being cozy. Afterwards we went to a different Value Village (what can I say, I got the itch for cheap finds) and tried avoiding the rain as much as possible. Another movie night happened after that also. That’s pretty much all I’ve been doing lately. Oh, and reading. I started The Neverending Story, finally!
This weekend was all about the knitting. Seriously. I have been working on my cowl and think it’s almost time for the cows to come home. My arm and shoulder and wrist are getting completely sore from too much knitting! However, I did take the night off last night. Although I could have had it finished by today, I resisted temptation and the potential for good fashion sense for fear of my arm falling off. I’m still contemplating whether or not I should get into it tonight.
I also went for my wisdom teeth extraction consultation (try saying that 3 times in a row, really really fast) yesterday and found that I have an invisible tooth in the front of my mouth that never grew in, but needs to come out. Altogether, this may end up costing me $2700 and a lot of pain. They informed me that it may require a gum graft *eeesh* that may take 3 weeks to heal properly. I was originally planning on having this done at the end of this month, but a recent turn of events is making my reschedule until the new year. At least I won’t have to worry about it for the next couple of months!
This weeks’ goals include:
-Finishing my cowl of excellence
-Starting on the curtains for the closet in the living room
-Potentially catch up on some hours at work (missing 3 days won’t be so awesome when I get paid on Friday)
-Do not buy anything at the Circle Craft fair on Saturday, only going for ideas
I’ve come to the realization that my blog hasn’t contained a lot of substance lately, and apologize for that. It’s been all photos and costume and fun! I guess I can admit that it’s laziness. Or writer’s block. Or not wanting to dwell on anything that doesn’t quite matter in the long run, and I don’t think I’m quite ready.
This sort of came to me after spending 4 days of (almost) solitude in my house. After Halloween I was in quarantine with the flu. The usual hot and cold chills-fever-cough-immobilization was pretty much the worst thing to physically happen to me in a year. I went on a massive Wes Anderson kick. It was fantastic. The Royal Tennenbaums, The Life Aquatic, Bottle Rocket, Rushmore and the Darjeeling Limited with a few other movies thrown between them. What can I say? I was awake, alone and couldn’t force myself to read or make anything.
After three days off of work and a very large and unexpected hydro bill, I’ve decided that it’s time to pull out the crafts and never leave my house again. Most people, after being stuck inside for 4 days straight, would jump at the opportunity to go outside or just get out. But not I. Once I get the taste of lazy domesticity, I would rather do it forever than do anything else.
Here are some legwarmers I made this week. Well, technically it took me like 6 months to make them, but most progress was done this week.
My current project is making a cowl like the ones I’ve seen at H&M for over $20. I’m making a cream coloured one, and will be trying to finish it soon so I can wear it and get on with making Christmas presents.
Current song: Múm – The Land Between Solar Systems
Current movie: 500 Days of Summer
ps. I got new glasses a couple of weeks ago! What do you think?
