Indecisive Rant #2

 

I have been through more jobs that I can count on both of my hands over the past 3 years. And I’ve only been fired once in my life, which is somewhat surprising for someone with my track record. Not that I’ve been a bad employee or anything, but last year I was sick for most of the winter, and because I was working more than one job most of the time, I tended to be overly tired and sluggish on my bad days. 

After having last month off to reflect/find a new job, I still haven’t come to any sort of conclusion as to what I want to do with my life. Like I said in a previous post I have the least capability of being decisive of anybody I know. At first I thought, why don’t I look for something in my field? Call centre, cafe, corporations that suck the soul out of me…. Then I started thinking ‘I’m done with that shit. Career anybody?‘ It’s a little hard to focus on finding a career when you have no qualifications, and no idea as to what you want to do with your life. Why can’t I find something that I would enjoy doing everyday, not too labour intensive, and is equally challenging and rewarding? Is that too much to ask for?
Hold on a second! I’m only 21 years old! Even though a career would be preferable, there are so many responsibilities that come with it. Even if I was qualified and found a career that I would enjoy, there are so many things I want to do! I want to travel across Canada and the states. I want to have the liberty to give 2 weeks notice and just fuck off to somewhere exciting! I want to move to a new city. If I was to have a career, the only thing that I could think of as a next step would to get shacked up, get married and pop out a couple kids. I’m not ready for that!
There’s always the option of going back to school. I feel that most of the people my age have been University students for at least 2 years and are completely whizzing by me in the education department. It’s getting harder and harder to have normal conversations with people. I feel like I’m not bringing anything interesting to the table.
And sure I went to school, but I don’t really classify it as that. It was more ‘let’s paint faces all day!’ And it’s not like I have the motivation to pursue a career in that field. See also: chauchiness.  And if I were to go to school, I’m too worried that it’ll be too hard balancing all of my bills and school at the same time. If I was to go back, I would rather just take a few courses here and there, more out of interest than trying to get a degree out of it. A degree would be nice, but mandatory anything is not appealing to me. 
I actually did apply, get accepted, even register for a couple classes at Capilano College last year. I hyped it up, being so excited about learning. I was excited because I was only registering for 2 classes out of interest (I think they were English and Psychology) and by attending, I would still be earning credits if I changed my mind about a degree. But missed the tuition deadline by 3 hours. This put me on the waitlist, and I just made it an excuse not to go anymore. 
Am I just making excuses? I don’t really know where my motives  stand.
Am I going to work shit jobs my whole life?
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3 responses to “Indecisive Rant #2

  1. ugh, i feel the same way. i left college after my brother died, and haven’t looked back since. i just met the love of my life and moved in with him. easy, right? but i have the same problem when i talk to any of my friends from back home, they are way more…advance, i guess…than me. but i don’t want to be on that one-way path. i don’t want to sit in a classroom just so i can specialize in one lousy thing, and end up sitting on my ass in some office with no window, or at least no scenery. i don’t want to put up with the promise of better pay if i “just stick it through.” i don’t have time to stick it through! i want to live! i want to experience the world! i want to be myself! i don’t want to be you stupid little brainwashed guinea pig/hamster/lab rat! i want to do what i want to do and i want to do it how i want to do it. dammit!

    ok, sorry, i have lots more where that came from, but you get the picture 😀

  2. I love you madly, but PLEASE don’t go back to school unless you really find something you want to do. You can start at the reception in a field you’re interested in and move your way in that way – and they’ll help pay for related school. Until you want that stability in that kind of a job, the jobs you’re working are perfect. When you want more, you’ll find something that’s right for you – but I think your head needs to be in it for school to make sense.

    Better to try something out that may not be right where they pay you to be there than to try something out that may not be right where you have to pay to be there, in my books.

  3. i had to check back in and say i agree with kyla 500%.

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