I have been through more jobs that I can count on both of my hands over the past 3 years. And I’ve only been fired once in my life, which is somewhat surprising for someone with my track record. Not that I’ve been a bad employee or anything, but last year I was sick for most of the winter, and because I was working more than one job most of the time, I tended to be overly tired and sluggish on my bad days.
After having last month off to reflect/find a new job, I still haven’t come to any sort of conclusion as to what I want to do with my life. Like I said in a previous post I have the least capability of being decisive of anybody I know. At first I thought, why don’t I look for something in my field? Call centre, cafe, corporations that suck the soul out of me…. Then I started thinking ‘I’m done with that shit. Career anybody?‘ It’s a little hard to focus on finding a career when you have no qualifications, and no idea as to what you want to do with your life. Why can’t I find something that I would enjoy doing everyday, not too labour intensive, and is equally challenging and rewarding? Is that too much to ask for?
Hold on a second! I’m only 21 years old! Even though a career would be preferable, there are so many responsibilities that come with it. Even if I was qualified and found a career that I would enjoy, there are so many things I want to do! I want to travel across Canada and the states. I want to have the liberty to give 2 weeks notice and just fuck off to somewhere exciting! I want to move to a new city. If I was to have a career, the only thing that I could think of as a next step would to get shacked up, get married and pop out a couple kids. I’m not ready for that!
There’s always the option of going back to school. I feel that most of the people my age have been University students for at least 2 years and are completely whizzing by me in the education department. It’s getting harder and harder to have normal conversations with people. I feel like I’m not bringing anything interesting to the table.
And sure I went to school, but I don’t really classify it as that. It was more ‘let’s paint faces all day!’ And it’s not like I have the motivation to pursue a career in that field. See also: chauchiness. And if I were to go to school, I’m too worried that it’ll be too hard balancing all of my bills and school at the same time. If I was to go back, I would rather just take a few courses here and there, more out of interest than trying to get a degree out of it. A degree would be nice, but mandatory anything is not appealing to me.
I actually did apply, get accepted, even register for a couple classes at Capilano College last year. I hyped it up, being so excited about learning. I was excited because I was only registering for 2 classes out of interest (I think they were English and Psychology) and by attending, I would still be earning credits if I changed my mind about a degree. But missed the tuition deadline by 3 hours. This put me on the waitlist, and I just made it an excuse not to go anymore.
Am I just making excuses? I don’t really know where my motives stand.
Am I going to work shit jobs my whole life?