Now and then, but maybe not later.

With summer slowly trailing and fall full speed ahead, I feel like these last few months have gone by so quickly! I cannot believe that September will mark 4 years of living in Vancouver. I cannot believe the events that I have lived through, and how much I have changed.

Thinking back on this reminds me of the final project I had to do in English 12. Our goal was to create a poster that had 4 flaps, all going into the middle (think diamond-like) where we had to create the aspect of 4 parts of our selves. Those being mind, appearance, spirit and emotion. I would take a picture of it, but a friend borrowed my camera for his trip to China and hasn’t returned it since he got back. The other part of the assignment was to write an essay based on these 4 topics, and how you believe they would change in 4 years.

Here’s what I wrote:

Where will I be in 4 years? I have no idea. But, I can predict that I will have changed dramatically. I will have graduated from high school, moved to Vancouver on my own or with roommates, completed my Bachelor of Arts Degree at Capilano College, and continued focusing on finding a career that will lead me along the path of life that I am destined to follow. In 4 years from now, I expect that I will have grown tremendously in the areas of my intellectual, spiritual, physical and emotional self. Hopefully, many of my goals will no longer remain, and I will have passed them in flying colours, achieving much more than I had ever imagined.

In 4 years my appearance will have changed radically. Being in my transition stage from dressing like a hard-core punk to God-knows-what, I believe that in the future I will most likely have to take out my facial piercings, and cover up any tattoos that I may have. I know that my style will be able to develop more while living in Vancouver because I will be more exposed to so many different kinds of people. There will be more places to buy clothing, and I will be able to experience many different cultures. Furthermore, I think I will be motivated to do more things with the resources closer by. I will be able to eat many different kinds of foods from Italian to East Indian, and be able to live a healthier lifestyle.

When living in Vancouver, working at Youth Centres and preparing for my future carreer, I will become fully developed emotionally. Living by myself away from my friends and family will make me more emotionally equipped for the road ahead. I will have to cope with the problems as they occur on my own, without any security to fall back to. However, I will always remain the same person I that I am now. I will still be the humourous person that I am, and I will be willing to try anything new, as long as it doesn’t require eating anything too disgusting.

In 4 years I will have completed all of my courses in university and I will have learned many things about art, life and working with youth. I will have learned a lot from living in Vancouver. Being in the city, I will have a much more open mind and will be ale to accept things easier. The way in which I think will have changed, being exposed to more things from going to school. I will be able to feel free to express myself and my news on life more realistically with more wisdom.

Although my perspective on my spirituality is somewhat blurry at the moment, I feel that with more understanding of religion and life, I will become more developed in that area. In 4 years, I will have had more of a chance to discover who I am with further comprehension of the different philosophies that others believe in and being able to explore others’ viewpoints on life.

They say that ‘Life is like a book waiting for you to write it.’ One – quarter of my book has already been written, and in it there have been many humourous events, many conflicts, and many uncertainties along with the tears and confusion. I feel that in 4 years another chapter of my life will be completed and will never be forgotten. I will be more prepared for potential opportunities and will be pursuing a career which I love, influencing the adults of tomorrow, and the people that will take care of me when I am old and grey.

Well, pass me the glue and magazines, honey, because that thing needs a makeover! I cannot believe how naive I was in writing this! I remember having a hard time writing it, and thinking it was pretty ridiculous that we would be asked to write an essay on where we would be after high school, but really! I have changed so much more than I ever thought I would, and in totally different ways than I could ever have imagined.

Reading this made me laugh more than once. ‘Fully developed emotionally’, or ‘finished my Bachelor of Arts Degree?’ I swear I am the most emotionally unstable person I know! Ask Taylor or Jessie for example, who have received multiple phone calls at 3am from me not being able to cope with my heart. From having all of these life ambitions and the shelter of a small town, my aspirations seemed a lot more achievable than now. I definitely wasn’t prepared for the real world, and still don’t think I am. But I’m glad I’m getting out there.

Looking back on what I was like in high school and comparing how I am now seems too surreal to think about sometimes, but I’m glad I’ve changed in the ways I have. I no longer feel security in black eyeliner and Billy Talent, but have found it in cute indie boys, art projects and crafts. While writing this I was tempted to continue with another essay about what I think I will be like in another 4 years for my own sake, but after this experience I’d rather not prove myself wrong again.

Then

Then

Now

Now

How have you changed in the last few years?

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4 responses to “Now and then, but maybe not later.

  1. i love this… i also cringe at old journals/writings… ouch.

  2. Ah! I love this- I want to be fully emotionally developed! I forgot that this was what you had wanted to do- and how much eyeliner you used to wear!! I love that young girl in black, thinking about the big move to the big city, and the girl I know now- fearlessly figuring it all out. You’re one of the good ones, lady, and undoubtedly one of the best people I know. ❤

  3. Haha! I know, right? How could I even have said that with a straight face? Thank you for all of your kind words and great friendship, Ky. Seriously. It’s gotten me through some rough patches.

  4. I really love this post. Sometimes I pull out my old journals and read what I had written about where I thought I would be. I have to honestly say that I am glad things turned out differently. I never do well answering questions like “where do you see yourself in 4 years.” I like to leave myself open to a multitude of possibilities!

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