During the past month or so, I have become more aware of the addiction that I have been supplying daily. Yes. I am a smoker. I have been for about 3 years. And I have recently decided that I want to make changes in my life. Changes that mean a lot to me, because it’s giving me an excuse to challenge myself.
About a month ago I decided that the best thing for me and my body was to learn how to eat more healthily and be aware of the way I tend to indulge. I became completely vegetarian again. I was vegetarian for a long time, and after that have never really eaten a lot of meat anyway. I haven’t eaten any type of seafood since I was 10 years old and refuse to, don’t really like pork at all, and have eaten chicken and beef occasionally. Becoming vegetarian is more of an experiment with myself than anything else. I know that there are some morals to it, and health reasons like not ingesting the same hormones a cow gets fed on a regular basis, but I really just wanted to see if I could do it again. And I have been really good about it. I’ve been making meals with full proteins and eating more interesting foods, and it just seems to make my meals more enjoyable. I was really proud of myself when I refused meet a few days ago when my roommate, Tom, came into my room wafting this fresh salami in my face telling me to try it. It was really hard, but I did it!
I have also started yoga, which is great because I bike there, work out and get grounded, then bike home and get ready to sleep or just relax. I always feel good leaving yoga, no matter how much my muscles shook or how grossly sweaty I was. And the day after, I feel like I’m 20 pounds lighter and that people around me notice me more. You never really notice your insecurities until you start feeling really good about yourself.
So yes. The next step is quitting smoking. And it’s been really hard because the fact of the matter is.. I don’t really want to. I mean, I want to … I just don’t have much motivation. It’s hard to get motivation when you enjoy something and it doesn’t feel that you’re doing harm when you’re doing it. The long term effects will kill you, but for now, here’s a stress reliever!
I have officially been on my anti-smoking kick for 3 days. Let me tell you, if you’re planning on quitting smoking, don’t do it on a Monday. The first day was grueling. I ended up having 3 cigarettes that day, and less concentration. Day two was even worse. I wanted to literally rip someone’s head off and bite it, then throw it at them like in the video games. I had 1 cigarette on day two. Today was day three, and I have had 1 cigarette. Even though the day isn’t over yet, I can safely say that I have and will not have another tonight. I’m hoping that tomorrow the cravings will subside completely so I can get on with my life.
I’m planning on getting my nails done on the weekend if I can go the rest of the week without a smoke, and trying to find other ways to reward myself.